Thursday 20 September 2007

Confessions of a serial mower - getting back to normal




Normal, what is normal I wonder anymore.

Well its been quite a summer and not one I will forget in a hurry, if ever.

Suffice to say, as I cannot blog about it yet, my life as I know it changed for ever on Saturday the 4th of August. Well it had changed for ever before that date; I just didn't know it!

My health has improved funnily enough as my personal life has gone "down the pan" as they say here in Suffolk. So there you have it, Mousie is about to be on her own. GOH is moving on to pastures new and with whatever strength I can muster I intend to cling on here to the farm.
It may or may not be possible but I will give it a bl++dy good try. Sorry folks I don't usually swear but am sure you will allow me this little one!

I have not been able to blog of late; partly it is true to say because of harvest and all that entails but also because of this huge crisis in my personal life. Some of you will be aware I know and for the rest I hope you will now understand and forgive me for not going into the details here in the public eye.

So, in the coming months I will probably subject you to all sorts of comings and goings here,the sale of things if and when they happen, etc. etc.

I have a huge network of friends and family - much larger and kinder than I ever imagined actually together with my cyber support and am getting through the days somehow. Some are dreadful and some quite frankly have been fun. Fun at a time like this seems an odd expression but sometimes the thought of my impending "freedom" feels like perhaps it might be fun.

I should in fact be in Aldeburgh for lunch today as the Suffolk Three, but Suffolkmum and Tattie have gone together as I have to go back to the hospital for another scan today. Nothing dreadful just to check another part of my back it would seem. I have some discs that are a bit ropey and I think they are checking others higher up my spine.

So, a brief and not very explanatory blog, and I hope you will bear with me and read between the lines and just send me a hug now and again.

Despite all this, I have not lost the urge to mow!!! love mousie

43 comments:

Chris Stovell said...

Dear Mousie, I'm not going to go on for fear of sounding trite but I do want to say firstly, that you are really brave to post this blog when it would be so easy to give up. Secondly I wish you everything you need to keep the farm - given that you have blogged in awful personal circumstances it clearly won't be for lack of trying on your part. Thirdly, good luck at the hospital, I hope that your back is better than you hope.

I'll be thinking of you and sending you my very best wishes that your life gets easier soon. Love ChrisX

Faith said...

Oh Mousie, you poor love, i didnt realise. If there is anything I can do to help, please PM or email me. I know something of what you might be going through having been divorced twice. Keep as strong as you can. Thinking of you I promise.

Faith x

Maggie Christie said...

I can't add any more to the eloquent comments above except to say that my thoughts are with you too. Very best wishes, PM xx

toady said...

Mousie I am so sorry, no wonder you've not been blogging. I hope you can hang on to the farm as I know it's much more than a house to you. You will be in my thoughts.
Chin up.

Toady
XX

Exmoorjane said...

Dear Mousie
I am absolutely astounded. And just so terribly sad for you. I just can't imagine how it must have been for you. Really don't know what to write except that I'm sending all my love and if there is anything I can do, even if it's just listen and nod sympathetically, then please know I'm there for you.
Mow, mow, mow - sounds like the best therapy, dear soul.
All my love, Janexxx

Grouse said...

Well I'm so glad you have shared this at last as you have such a loyal following of friends here and not one of them will be any less than 100% behind you.

'Keep them mowing blades short!'

(As Genesis would say....)

countrymousie said...

Thanks everyone for your lovely remarks - it is hard to know whether to "go public" or not. Anyway it gets harder not to as time goes on, so that's about it really. Now when I feel so inclined I can have a blog or not, and I know now you will all know the reasons as it were.
He is still living here which is the worst thing. His new home is not ready yet mores the pity!!
You just never know what is around the corner and I DID NOT see this one coming.

@themill said...

Dear Mousie, I am so, so, sorry and truly devasted for you.
You are so brave to share this with us and I do hope we, your cyber space friends, can provide you with all the love and support you might need.
Good luck with trying to keep the farm - I know how much it means to you.
Much love you dear one x

Milla said...

*loody Hell, Mousie, I had NO IDEA anything was wrong and am so very sorry for you! I know, that sounds patronising, but you know what I mean. Sending you virtual love and best wishes and *od knows I'd crumble under all this. Never got what GOH stood for, am busily thinking up new meanings. From your blogs, it's clear you have lots of real friends and lots of good will from us blokes in flats in Leeds, Lots of love Milla xxxx

Un Peu Loufoque said...

You fight for it all every step Mousie and do not give away even one blade of grass. We shall be here beside you.We are your friends and that is what friends do.
Chin up chicken.

Norma Murray said...

Sorry to hear of your troubles, but you still seem to have the same strong spirit. Not sure what else to say 'cos everything else sounds like a cliche, so just Good Luck and stick to your guns!

muddyboots said...

so very sorry to hear of your problems. thoughts are with you. xx

Pondside said...

Hi Mouise, you brave Mousie - it surely isn't easy to put out the word as you did, but you are a strong woman from everything I've read and you'll do what you have to do. Fight for what's yours, stick to your guns and don't back down, and when the going gets too tough, get on that mower and let 'er rip! Remember that I'm up and about in your wee hours over there, and you have my home email. This is awful, but you will get through it.
xoxox

countrymousie said...

Thanks you guys - GOH stood for Gorgeous Older Husband - now stands for Gone Off His Head!!!!

Withy Brook said...

Dear Mousie, Having been there I can have some idea what you are going through. It is awful when they are still there isn't - happened to me too, though it was me who was moving out. Sounds odd that. Anyway it is you who is suffering. 30 years later I have had at least 26 years of good, happy and productive life and the year after I moved out and lived alone was good too. You are right to sort of look forward to that. It doesn't mean one isn't suffering - hard to explain. You know they say, and I agree, it is worse than being widdowed. You can't mourn and people support you in a different way. And more to difficult to put into words. You'll be in my thoghts and prayers. Keep in touch as and when you feel the need. LOL Rho

Suffolkmum said...

Missed you so much today Mousie - but Tattie and I thought of you - (she's lovely, of course) and please know that you have two friends within spitting distance, as it were! Keep mowing xx

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and best wishes are with you. It is hard but there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Try and stay strong. You have lots of friends around you.

Love Crystal xx

Zoƫ said...

{{{{{ You }}}}} I feel for you, and the shock this must be, I can only offer my best wishes and sympathy.

As for the back thing, there I can really empathise, and if any of the investigations, treatment experiences and things that work for me can help you buy discussing them and what is entailed, drop me a mail, you have the address xx

Sally Townsend said...

Hurrah Mousie has emerged in true fighting form, a most dignified blog if I might say so. Each and everyone of us is here for you. GOH, gone off his head ? yes it sounds most likely. x

Elizabeth Musgrave said...

so very sorry to hear of this. like withy i have been there but some time ago now and it is hard but there are some odd compensations! hang on in there and hang on tight to your home and your mower. thinking of you.

LITTLE BROWN DOG said...

Dear mousie - I'm so sorry to hear all this - I had no idea! Don't know what to say, really, except to send my love and support. And we're all here rooting for you and wishing you all the very best at what must be a very, very difficult time. As everyone else says, keep mowing, and come back to blogland whenever you feel up to it. LBD xxx

mountainear said...

Everybody seems to have said everything that could be said, so eloquently too.

Keep strong and keep firmly focussed on the future. x

Westerwitch/Headmistress said...

Berludy great big hug and then another and then another. And you can swear as much as you like and there will be no naughty corner for you.

Mow on as in rock in . . .never let the burgers get you down.

I am so very very sorry Mousie what a huge shock for you . . . life will never be the same again - but that doesn't have to be negative as you said you have managed some fun days and as time moves on the bad days will get less and the good days more. But it will take time . . so no beating yourself up on down days - you are allowed to have them and you can share them with us . . .and the good ones.

Gone of his head - he certainly has . . .

Bluestocking Mum said...

Poor poor Mousie.
I am so sad for you and have a big tear trickling down my cheek because I TRULY know how you must feel.

Silly man!! Why do they do these silly things! It must be unbearable for you with him still being there, bless you. Part of you hating him and part of you wishing you could shake him and make him come to his senses.

I also know that however surrounded you are by your friends and family and all these 'good cyber people' you can still at times feel like the loneliest person in the world.

The others have said everything else far better than me.

All I will say my friend is that there is no quick fix, no short cut or easy way through this...sadly you have to go through the pain to get to the other side...
And YOU WILL MOUSIE...You WILL get through this and come out of it all better/stronger/wiser for it all...Trust me, as one who knows and even though it is hard to imagine at this time.

A couple of years ago one of my friends sent me a message that I will never forget:-
"If looking back hurts you and looking forward scares you, then look beside you and I'll always be here for you..."

You know my E-mail and if and when you are ready, PLEASE feel free to send me a wire.
I will be right here.

Take care and the biggest of hugs
xxx

bodran... said...

What a wally! !!! everyone as said the good stuff !!! But Shhhh what i want to know is shall we "get him after school" xxooo

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you.

jackofall said...

We men can be such unthinking, ungrateful and unfeeling shits sometimes, and you seem to be dealing with things with admirable dignity. Mind you, I would have expected nothing less from a woman of your calibre.

Elizabethd said...

How brave of you. i know how hard it is to talk about such a personal sad happening. We are all with you.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

So sorry Mousie...I just hope the 'collateral' damage is containable

Tattieweasle said...

Missed you today - thought of you loads. So glad you intend to keep on mowing ....!

Kitty said...

Oh, darling mousie - what a shock. He's the one losing out, you're fab. And this said from one who's never met you but has felt the warmth of your friendship.
We have all been missing you - now we know why, stay around - whatever help cyber friends can offer, we will. xx

bradan said...

Oh Mousie, what a shock for you. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Stay strong amd keep mowing! xx

annakarenin said...

Every thing has been said by people with more experience then I but I can only add one thing and I hope it surely hurts hearing it as it will all be very complicated but you might know where I am coming from when I say it. I hope The Heiress will always be able to have her Grandma there for her whatever the circumstances because I know how much you love her and so many people can get hurt by one persons selfishness.

annakarenin said...

sorry please miss out the hope before it surely and it all may make some sense and by God you deserve that house and that garden you have made so beautiful without the land that goes with it.

annakarenin said...

I will promise to go away after this honest as I am looking like a stalker now, but have just visited my own blog (been busy couple of days) and it was lovely to see you have visited I hope the site helps it is full of wonderful people.

annakarenin said...

like you

CAMILLA said...

Dear Dear Mousie, I had no idea, how absolutely wretched for you, has GOH gone mad, does he not see how you are so GORGEOUS. Hang on to the Farm, striped and all, I know how much it means to you. Dont forget we are here for you Mousie, I am sending you my love and best wishes and am thinking of you at this extremely difficult time.

Camilla.xx

Pipany said...

Oh Mousie, I am so very very sorry. Like the others I had no idea and there is little I can add to their very sage words except to say that I cannot believe how black my life was once upon a moon and only wish I had known then how very wonderful it would eventually become. Hold tight to your sanity and allow yourself plenty of tears as they do heal. We are all here even if only in cyber space. Much love to you xxx

countrymousie said...

Thank you all so much - no I resally didnt have any idea and I guess he would have just carried out - I found a silly little receipt and the whole thing fell apart. I just thought he was having a bit of a "Ive hit 60" crisis.

Bluestocking Mum said...

I can't stop thinking about you Mousie.

Silly man.
"I've hit 60 crisis" "I've hit 40 crisis..." It must have cut you like a knife, poor love.

You stay strong and make the most of the strong days, 'use' the strong days to get you through the more difficult ones.

You are a very popular Mousie and all your family, friends and cyber friends will get you through this. I promise, you WILL get through this.

Take care
xxx

Inthemud said...

Dearest Mousie,

a BIG HUG is coming over to you now.

So sorry to hear your sad and difficult news, but you are a strong person and i'm sure you will get through this.

You've been very brave to tell us all, i'd been wondering why you'd been so quiet all summer, so sad, soa sorry. But Be brave and we'll all support you as you move on to this new phase in your life.

Much Love Elaine x

laurie said...

i'm very sorry. he's a fool. all of us are standing here beside you.

Woozle1967 said...

Am thinking of you too, honey, and sending much love your way. Receipts.......... when hubby #1 left me after I was first ill, he swore it wasn't for another woman. And then I found a receipt.... It takes time, but you WILL get through this. 60 crisis? Mine had a 30 crisis and my illness crisis - why do we always give them an excuse? Get mad, not sad - you deserve so much more.xx