The Start
Here I stand at the start of a
very long and rocky road to
freedom, alone, unknown and
untried.
Scared that what I have started
I will never be able to finish
He chose to cheat, I chose to let
him go
Would it have not been easier to forgive and
forget
To hope that every time he left the house
He headed to someplace he should
I feel deep in my heart that he was lost to me
long before the day I discovered a receipt for a dinner
I did not eat, and diamonds I do not wear
bought by a man I no longer know
So, as the starting pistol fires
I am off, running, searching, turning back,
looking forward, making mistakes
seeking the fork in the road that will take
me to a place I deserve to be
to once again smile, breathe and feel like me.
37 comments:
I love this poem especially the lines I feel deep in my heart that he was lost to me
long before the day I discovered a receipt for a dinner
I did not eat, and diamonds I do not wear
bought by a man I no longer know
So, as the starting pistol fires
I am off, running
It's great and poetry is a good form of therapy too. I wish you all the very best on your journey,
Caitx
You have expressed yourself well.
Many of us will relate to trying always to move forward, knowing all the while that with so many forks in our road, there will always times to stop, consider, reconsider, choose again. Keep those feelings, Mousie!
xo
Oh, Mousie, you have brought tears to my eyes. Here's wishing you all the happiness you deserve.
The swine: the thought of all that you evoke makes me feel sick. The treachery of such betrayal, skipping off on false jollies leaving you trustingly behind me. Gets me in the solar plexus. He doesn't deserve you.
No he doesn't, and it's his loss. Lovely honest poem; I know (I think) exactly what you mean abou that scary, exciting, freedom - but I know it's come at a price.
Sometimes there is forgiving and forgetting but not on dinners and diamonds. Hub3 wouldnt be forgiven for that. No husband should be. You've done the right thing. Yeah it can be tough and lonely on your own, but better that than driven insane wondering what he's up to. I think you said he's 60, or rising 60 - god, even men that age act in such a manner? it's awful. Poor Mousie. I told Hub3 about it and he sends his sympathies. I know he's not always a shining example of husbandhood himself, but his sympathy and mine are heartfelt.
Ooooo really heartfelt - tears in eyes, shivers up spine.
It is a brave new, true you at the starting pistol Mousie . . . don't look back.
Well written Mousie. It says it all.
My deputy head teacher used to say on bad days...'Nil carborundum illegitimi'..freely translates as 'Dont let the b***tards wear you down.'
I feel rather oddly elated at writing this down - it just sort of flowed and this is exactly what happened. CSI Mousie played a blinder.
You have a wonderful and new life ahead. Take care.
Crystal xx
They have said it all.. be strong mousie xxoo
Onwards and upwards!
Mousie you managed to bring a lump to my throat, may have to go and compose myself on one of those steamers ! take care, one step at a time x
Mousie you're worth much more than diamonds - so wise of you to recognise that! Great poem!
Without trust there is nothing, so you did the right thing -everything happens for a reason and that's the exciting part as you never know what's around the corner (although there will be, no doubt, the odd twist on the way!)
Battered and bruised, you may be, but what a way to re-start with that poem - searingly honest words...my thoughts are with you, Mousie....x
Follow your heart but above all be true to yourself. You deserve so much more than this.
There'll be good days and bad days but I'm sure a smile and a cuddle from the Heiress will remind you what it is all about.
Take care of yourself, honey.xx
So honest and so to the point. Good luck dear thing and remember, reach for the moon and even if you miss you'll still land in the stars.
Ah, my dearest Mousie.....this brought a lump to my throat, it really did. So honest. i am SO with you - I know that, personally, I couldn't live with the distrust, the not knowing. But oh my, such a tough decision and such a brave one. Wish you lived closer. Would love to bomb over with a bottle or two and talk properly.
Men are mad. truly they are. I just want to slap him to make him realise what he has thrown away so stupidly..... grrrrr. Sorry, just get very cross.
tons of love
janexxxxxxxxxxx
I really feel for you Mousie, it is easy for me to say, but dont look back, be strong, onwards and upwards as they say. As some friends have said to me in the past,the words - You have a RIGHT to be happy.
Camilla.x
its all been said Mousie...wonderful poem. Stay strong!
Oh Mousie, out of such a terrible time for you came this amazing poem; perhaps you should write more to help you on your way. He is a fool and I could never trust again either. It can't be worth the torment every time he leaves the house. You are wonderful and just remember that xxx
Remember....
There are no endings just beginnings,
The light is there at the end of the tunnel,
I know I have seen it.
My thoughts go with you whatever you do and whever you go.
Love Blossom
Oh, Mousie, that's a wonderful poem, and so brave of you to post it. You always come accross as such as strong, capable person, full of love and humour - it will be painful, but you will get through this to find yourself in the better place you so deserve. You have lots of love and support here - we're all behind you.
That's an incredible poem. It quite took my breath away. The very best of wishes on your journey. By the way, the man's a fool and I too join the queue to kick him up the backside. xx PM
PS: I watched a similar thing happen in my own family. Both parties found new loves, are now stronger, happier and (as they both reach their 70s) the best of friends.
I think you probably will know the effect this had on me my friend...
You are a strong, brave soul.
Wonderful words.
Wonderful NEW you...
And most of all I am so glad that you love YOURSELF more...
You will NEVER let yourself down Mousie.
D
xxx
Dearest Mousie,
Why do all the really important (and tragic)things seem to happen when I am away? I've only just seen your last blog. Oh dear! Oh dear! There's nothing much I can offer - only solidarity and this virtual friendship. I admire your courage. Even the courage to keep mowing. Maybe your health will continue to improve now that your body knows it has a fight on its hands. Let's hope so. The farm sounds a huge undertaking - but I'm sure you will be able to manage it. A big hug and a soft shoulder from me.
Love
Fennie xx
Beautiful poem Mousie, it came from your soul.
'Happiness is a butterfly which when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you'
I hope you rest along the journey you are embarking upon, and clouds of butterflies rest with you xx
quote is from Nathaniel Hawthorne, an american writer.
I am another who found a lump in my throat at your poem - it is marvellous. I am so sorry you have to be going through what has led you to write it but it is some poem.
Only you can know whether you could ever trust him again and without trust there is no point in being there. The man's a fool. Take care of yourself.
I do so hope you can see the road ahead - down that fork to the place where you truly do deserve to be. Head high, shoulders back, breathe deeply, and smile. I hope you can feel the exhilaration of freedom.
You are so lovely, such a kind friend, so dignified and brave, I know that sounds patronising, and I don't mean it that way at all - but you know what I mean. Much love. xx
Wonderful and moving Mousie: keep being strong and when it feels to much we're all here....Huge hugs
Tattie
Mousie that was lovely - and so honest. Yes, however much it hits you in the solar plexus, there have always been hints that we have not been able to see. Easier to try to go on - NO! Once trust has been betrayed there is no future in going on.
You are so brave. Keep on with your head up high. We are all with you. LOL Rho
Honesty and courage and lack of self pity are ALWAYS rewarded, Mousie. You will come out of this with a greater sense of self-worth and contentment: sadly, these two things will always be beynd his grasp.
Dear Mousie,
I've only just caught up with you and such a wonderful heartfelt poem. He doesn't deserve you, you're too good for him, he's a very silly man. Be strong in your adventure, we're all here rooting for you.
ToadyXX
Gosh I keep coming back to read your comments and feel quite overwhelmed. Thank you all so so much.
you did the right thing, CSI mousie. i feel for you; i've never been with anyone who can afford diamonds, but i have certainly been with someone who betrayed me.
leaving is better. it's hard hard hard, but you will be stronger and happeir when you get through it. that is certain.
(i know this because i can tell from reading your blog that you are a strong and happy person, at heart.)
all the best to you.
It has all been said and you have expressed yourself so very well in the poem, from the heart as they say. All the best the last lines sound so you , ultimately positive and coping and you will definitely get to that place and hopefully soon.
love RachelX
Hi Mousie
just wanted to let you know that i have given you a blogging award, which you can collect from my blog!
Love muddie x
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