I used to have four very best close girl friends, now I have three. I lost one because of an Internet porn site. Let me explain.
My best friends were all gathered from my teenage years, I never seemed to make best friends at School, living as we did on a remote farm in Suffolk. We were quite a self sufficient little family; dad, mum, my brother and I, living on the farm owned then by my Grandfather.
Never felt I missed out; I had a female cousin of the same age who lived just down the road, and of course I had my little brother to fuss over. I had friends at School, just not best friends. I was rather a studious swot of a child, and no one particularly likes a smart a**e! I had the reading age of a 12 year old when I was 7. I remember someone from the Education Authority coming out to test me. I recall sitting an examination when I was 7 and getting 100%, thus prompting this official visit I imagine from someone in authority to check my score and re-test me to ensure the teacher had not cheated.
This rather singled me out; I had lots of people who wanted to sit near me for the answers, but no special friend. I remember having to sit next to another girl a year older so that I could help her with her math. I pretty much taught myself from about 8 until I progressed into further education.
You may recall I blogged on the other site about the fact that I could read a newspaper at four. So the Janet and John books etc were rather wasted on me.
Anyway I digress.
I gathered best friends once I started work and found people who were comfortable with me. I looked just like any other 17/18 year old with skirts up to my bum, the latest makeup and hairdo, but with a rather enquiring, well read brain. I had read Solzhenitsyn etc at fourteen and all sorts of books that I would baulk at my 16 year old niece reading now. I am sure she has though. She also got the brains.
So, one of my best friends (S) was gathered up from the local Young Farmers’ Club. I had never met her before, but she lived only about 5 miles from me. She was five years older but seemed my age – 18. She looked like me, laughed at the same things I did, was very bright and well read though not privately educated, and liked the same men – but not, luckily at the same time!! We shared many boyfriends over the years – I say boyfriends, as opposed to lovers, because in those heady young days, one did not sleep with the boys. Well we never anyway. Daft or what?
Remember, I had Grandfather at home, and would be out on my ear if I brought “shame” on the family!
I have to say here that consequently I still have loads of men friends who are ex boyfriends with none of the embarrassment of having slept with them!!
I remember being at a very smart dinner party when one of these old boyfriends, now quite famous actually, boomed across the table – “old stick, did I ever bed you. I can’t remember”!!!
My reply, and for once I had the right one!! “Well I think you have answered your own question. You would have certainly remembered if you had!!” Boom Boom.
Anyway my best friend and I were known as the “terrible twos” – you never found one without the other. And thus it continued. An extraordinary closeness.
Her husband cheated on her after 20 years of marriage with a “friend” and left her with two boys. She had a breakdown and I helped her and supported her through that entire trauma as she had supported me through many difficult times and broken dreams.
She gradually came out of her shell and started dating a much younger single chap who farmed with his elderly parents. She met him at a charity event she helped organize.
He seemed sweet and kind, if somewhat unworldly (ha ha) and just what the Doctor ordered.
He had a house on the family farm and no longer actually lived with his parents. He kept her a secret from them and from his hunting, shooting, fishing friends. S being 20 years older than him with two boys from a failed marriage and not of the same breeding!! I kid you not.
She told me once that they were driving along when he saw his father approaching from the opposite direction and he “shoved her into the foot well of the passenger seat” so she would not be seen.
I did not approve and found it hard not to keep warning her of the disaster I saw looming. She just made excuses for him the whole time. Love is very blind.
He took her lovely places, bought her super jewels, gave her money to renovate her little cottage and bought her a car. This went on for at least two years and he had still not told his parents. It seemed one or two of his friends were in on the secret and she dined out with them occasionally, on the far side of the County of course.
Now my friend (S) was very computer literate and he was not. He needed a computer for the farm book keeping etc. So she helped him install a PC and got him on-line etc. etc. He went on a couple of courses. She had access to his passwords, everything. He, stupidly/luckily used the same ones for everything.
I did say he was young and very unworldly didn’t I. She was totally besotted. He did nothing for me, as young and fit as he was. He made her smile again at least.
Anyway, one day when she was working on his computer an e-mail popped into his inbox from an “adult dating agency”. Now we all get these damn things from time to time – but this was different – it was a REPLY to his WEBSITE (or a wink as it is called) on a very adult dating site!!! I would call it a porn site. People advertise themselves naked with graphic details too intimate to mention here.
Well, there were tears and ructions and everything in between. He swore he would never do it again, she said she never wanted to see him again, and promptly had another breakdown.
So back to square one, counselling, losing her job, I found her another. Building her up ready to face the world again.
Then, unbelievable she took him back. He rang to say he couldn’t live without her, would tell his parents and they would marry.
He moved in. Her boys moved out.
He lived two lives. Rushed off in the morning to the farm, had breakfast and lunch with mother, then back to S for supper and bed. They never went anywhere much – how could they – no time and someone might see them. His parents being very particular about who he mixed with – he was 35 for heavens sake! And thus it continued. He promised he had mended his ways. Was not meeting girls off the internet, only loved her and would tell his mother when the time was right. Of course, the time was never right. She was old, she was ill, she was away!!!
I thought she should ring his mother and let the "cat out of the bag" about her precious perfect son.
She says I am wrong about him and feels we cannot continue our friendship if I don’t trust him.
She has forgiven him and trusts him. GOH can’t stand him. Actually, I hate him.
I don’t hate very easily.
Now being a very nosy mouse, she told me the passwords etc to his computer when they split - and they are still the same - of course I just have to check his Website every now and again. He is still advertising but is no longer naked!
And thus it was ever so!!
I am almost, I say almost, tempted to let you have his passwords so you can all have a look at him! But you never know, I might win her back, or I might get a Wedding Invite, his mother might die or pigs might fly.
This is Suffolk after all.
I suppose I am very lucky in that I don't suffer from deep depressions and am usually quite upbeat, despite always seeming to be ill with something or another.
